Star Trek Captains as Lawyers

This is entirely serious legal analysis.

Benjamin Sisko

Best housing court attorney, no question. Sisko ran Deep Space Nine—a crumbling space station on the edge of a war zone with competing factions, limited resources, and bureaucratic interference from Starfleet. That's basically Housing Court in Brooklyn. He knows how to negotiate, when to fight, and when to make compromises to keep the peace. Plus he punched Q.

Kathryn Janeway

Best appellate attorney. Janeway spent seven years making arguments to get her crew home, often with no precedent to guide her. She's methodical, she's persistent, and she doesn't give up even when the odds are impossible. She'd write a mean brief.

Jean-Luc Picard

Best for big firm partnership track. Picard gives great speeches and looks authoritative. He'd be excellent at client dinners and would bill 2,400 hours a year while making it look effortless. But I'm not sure he'd thrive in the chaos of housing court.

James Kirk

Personal injury plaintiff's attorney. Kirk breaks the rules, takes big swings, and somehow wins cases he should lose. He'd be the guy with the bus bench ads and the surprisingly good track record.

Jonathan Archer

Government lawyer. Archer follows protocols, respects the chain of command, and doesn't rock the boat. He'd be fine at the AG's office.

For Brooklyn and the rest of the best city in the world. (NYC, I'm talking about NYC)